


love, translated

by acetheticallyy (judesstfrancis)



Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: A little bit of everything, Established Relationship, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, I'm just here to analyze tones, M/M, Season/Series 05, Spoilers for MAG161
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-03
Updated: 2020-04-03
Packaged: 2021-03-01 03:47:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 679
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23464924
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/judesstfrancis/pseuds/acetheticallyy
Summary: love (/ləv/), n.1. an intense feeling of deep affection2. a great interest and pleasure in something3. all of this, and so much moreI love you is neverjustI love you, not if you say it right.
Relationships: Martin Blackwood/Jonathan Sims
Comments: 20
Kudos: 166





	love, translated

**Author's Note:**

> look. I know what I said last time but is it my fault if I started over-analyzing the I love you? I told myself I wasn't gonna write fic about the new episode but I've listened to the end of 161 like 40 times already and the whole thing sort of wrote itself. u all can bully me about lying about taking breaks from writing to focus on bigger projects later. for now, just enjoy my sizzling hot and correct takes
> 
> if u wanna catch me on tumblr/twitter u can find me @judesstfrancis and @acetheticallyy respectively

When Jon says I love you, it’s never _just_ a declaration. It means a million different little things. It’s a language of his own creation, made up of just the three words but expansive in its communicative abilities nonetheless. He’s not so good at communicating, usually, not where his emotions are involved, but he _is_ good at saying I love you. It’s the most effective compromise. And it gets a _lot_ of use.

He says it in the morning, sleep-drunk and lazy, the sun streaming through the open window. When Martin is squinting against the streaks of light and they are both just starting to wake and everything, for a moment, is just allowed to be _calm_. It’s a _good morning_ , sure, but it’s more than that. It’s a soft spoken _oh_. Something like _there you are_. _How wonderful it is to have you be the first thing I see every morning_. It is whispered into the pillows, slurred together like a promise.

In the dark of the night, when everything is decidedly less calm, when the images behind his eyelids scream and writhe and he wakes up choked and gasping, it is an anchor. Jon clings in moments like these and the words spill from his lips in a rush, over and over like a skipping vinyl record. It is as desperate as it is affirming. It’s something like _don’t let go_. The words _I don’t know what to do without you_ don’t come easily, but they are what he means. He means _please don’t leave_ as much as he means the affection behind it.

Sometimes they’ll allow themselves to wander the village, soaking in the sights and the smell of fresh grass and pretending that this is all they’ve ever known. It’s these that Jon loves to say the most. Walking along natural-made paths, Martin’s face turned up to the sky with a laugh, eyes shining for once with nothing but _joy_. It’s a beautiful look on him. That’s what this one means. Simple as anything, it means _you’re beautiful_.

There are times when everything is more strained, neither of them able to escape the weight of what’s happened to them, when Martin becomes a little faded around the edges, a little unfocused. Times when Martin clings just as much as Jon does. Here, Jon presses the words into the side of his neck, making sure the sentiment sinks in, reaches deep and dissipates through his bones. _I’m here_ , it says. _You’re not alone_. _You never will be again, not as long as you want me_.

At the end of the day, tension leaking out of their limbs after a hard-won day of peace, it is released as a contended sigh. Sprawled across Martin’s lap on the couch, righting himself from where he’d thrown his limbs unceremoniously, it comes out on a breath for no reason in particular. This one is a reminder, something to make up for lost time. There’s a layer of meaning running just underneath it that says _I have spent so long thinking I could never have this, and now that I do, I will let myself get used to it_. It is almost defiant in the way it grabs at comfort and refuses to let go.

So, when Jon says I love you here, at the end of the world, it means what it means, of course, but it is also an apology of sorts. He can’t say everything is fine, because it isn’t, but he can tell Martin that he wants to try. He can tell him that he’s sorry he’s not ready yet, but that he _will be_ , soon, because the only thing that matters to him now really is that, wherever he is going, Martin is going with him. I love you here means _you’re right. I know. I’m sorry I’m making you wait, you’ve done enough of that_. It means _thank you for being patient with me_.

And Martin, bless him, he understands. He _always_ understands. Sometimes Jon thinks Martin knows what he means better than he does.


End file.
